it hurts

It hurts when I realise how much I love U…and u don’t!!!!
It hurts when I want U to lend me UR shoulders… but u wont!!!
The fear of loosing U tears me apart…I fear the day when we would part!!!


The biggest pain in life is to sit besides a person you love and to know that person can never be yours in this entire lifetime!!!
Well! The biggest wounds in life are bestowed to you by the people you love the most and what if your loved one can never see that pain in your eyes! It really hurts, isn’t it? It might take years to know a person… months to realise you love him/her…weaks to gather courage to confess your feelings…days to mentally get ready to tell him/her …hours to start a conversation…but just a few seconds to say “I love u”.
Yes! “I love you” could have been the shortest sentence I said to someone with the longest breath I had ever taken..and the sigh of relief I had after I confessed my feelings for someone I loved with the words that had been choking me from the time I realised wat actually it meant!!! My heart lied beneath the debris of thougts that had started pondering into my head from the moment I realised that I loved someone more than anyone or anything. Always knew the person would never be mine but commitment was not what my love demanded. “commitment was not what my love demanded”????? Easy to say but difficult to wage a war each and every day against your own emotions…that too whn that person conquerd you not physically but emotionally! How tough the life becomes with merely three simple words framed together to make your life most complex in it own ways.
Well! This is what most people victimised by the feeling of love have told me. But “victimised” by feeling of love??? So can we assume that people falling in love are victims??? To an extent I must say yes!!! Some victimised by the pain of shaterring expectations and some others by occourances of unexpected and alluring fantacies of falling in love.
But certain things that I find difficult figuring out is wat exactly do u mean by falling in love. And what is the differentiating line between “liking” and “loving”. Am sure all of us have some descriptions about our “ideal match”. So wat do we do..stand with advertisments, hoardings and pamphlets to search for our Mr/Miss Perfect? Naaaaaaaa……. Or be patient and confident that our Mr/Miss Perfect would drop down from somwhere and at dat instance we would fall in love. No never! Sounds more absurd! Then wat exactly happens???? I suppose there are basically two ways of how one intends to wat v call as ‘falling in love”……

1. Attraction-distraction-contraption
U see a guy/gal, found him/her attractive(note: the parametres of attraction are determined by individuals), gaze at him/her till the other person spots u goggling at dem, show the characterstics of ‘true entrepreneur’ and grab your oppurtunity to approach dem, free expressions of feelings takes place, you start finding some X, Y n Z factors and declare dat “am in love”… ignorant of the fact dat d person mite not satisfy the standards of your “d perfect match”. Well! Who cares???? U are getting the X,Y n Z xtra factors!!! This is wat I called ‘Attraction-distraction-contraption”. You are attracted to someone ‘coz of der looks, the thots of dat person pesters your mind distracting u all the time especially as u are gazing at dat person and if dis finally leads into some kind of commitment then “contraption” is the term I’d use cause I find it strange though not unusual!!!!

2. The ultimate realisation
U speak to a person, u know dat person, u start knowing dat person better .. and better and better, your interests to talk to dat person arouses ‘coz he/she might very well satisfy ur ‘perfect match’ parametres or if not u still find him/her compatible with u coz he/she could be someone with whom u can “be urself”…. And gradually and ultimately u realise dat u love dat person. No involvment of attraction or distraction. U love someone not coz u want to fall in love with him/her but coz u really love him/her. Perfect!!!!

Well! If falling in love sounds so beautiful, then why the course of pain??? If its all about expectation, understanding, adorance, admiration, trust and genuine feelings then wat makes it so hurting??? I guess der are certain questions whose answers cannot be explained and justified….. they just need to be left out……………..


[note: no hard feelings against anyones emotions]